Life of Kika Collage

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Nostalgic Moments with Barbie Beach Vacation.

 So this has to be one of the creepiest Barbie games I played as a child because the production team decided to make a crap game for a quick profit. On the cover, Barbie looks fresh and clean. In the game, she looks creepy and a bit psycho. She doesn't blink or show any emotion at all. For crying out loud, the only thing she does if smile and wave the whole time. I get that she is on vacation with her close friends, but she's excited about all the beach activities and doesn't hesitate to try all of them.
    Its crazy that she can do something for the first time and perfect it. She skiis on water in her first activity and manages to do all these tips and tricks like she has been training to do this at a young age. She does backflips, and all these crazy tricks with out falling flat on her face. And the purpose of that mission was to collect empty beer bottles for a surprise at the end of the game. The goals set out for this game don't make sense to me. She should just tan, get wasted and cheat on Ken while hooking up with the locals. That's the kind of beach vacation I'm looking for.

  The second thing Barbie does in the same exact day is underwater scuba diving. Mind you, she is basically doing this by herself with no professional trainer to watch over her. I don't know what kind of ocean she submerges into so she has no clue of what types of sea creatures she would encounter. Luckily because this is a Barbie game (I say that often about all Barbie games), she only meets the cutest sea creatures such as starfish, crabs, turtles and fish. No sea monsters, no liter, but for some reason there is a sunken ship that hasn't aged a bit and looks totally new. She snaps a few pictures and hoards a few empty bottles. And once again at the end of the mission, she takes a photo of herself while creepily smiling at you. I'm wondering who the heck took the photo of her....

    Barbie, who happens to feel refreshed and not at all tired from water skiing and scuba diving enters herself in a sandcastle building contest. If I was here, I would take a shower, go to the buffet and drink until I fall asleep. Since she's full of spunk and energy,  she wins the god damn contest and wins a few empty bottles once again. In order to build the castles, you follow the sequence of choosing specific shapes and sizes for buckets. You can make the shittiest castle and get away with it.

So Barbie goes surfing and manages to not get knocked down or hurt because she is being chased while a huge wave without bumping into these dumb buoys. Why would there be buoys placed in the ocean, in order to surf you need to control your movement without freaking out over useless floating traffic cones. So Barbie does her thing and wins three empty bottles again.

The next sequence is the most horrifying thing I've seen so far in the game. In the last adventure, Barbie dances. Because Barbie holds so many talents, you'd think she'd be a killer on the dance floor. Oh sweet baby Jesus, I was wrong. She happens to dance like with drunk father after a long night of downing booze and listening to Donna Summers. Its that bad. She has no rhythm or expression and she is stiffer than I am. And the best part about it is that once you finished the game, you can choose for Barbie to dance again for other types of music including matching outfits. Apparently she is well versed in Salsa, Hawaiian Hula Dancing and Drunk white chick at the club. It's a total hoot to see Barbie embarrass herself.
At the end of the night, Barbie finally releases her creepy friends out of the cages and bring them out for a party. No booze, no drugs and the worst music ever. Well, she must be exhausted from the bullshit of participating in professional sports so awkwardly standing around is good enough for her at the end of the night. She doesn't even get to grind with her man or get a little frisky. Poor Barbie.

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